Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Lost on the highway of life

For the past week or so I've been urging myself to blog, but my fingers type no words when I'm in front of my pc. I would naturally think, that being that "so" much is going on in my world, I would have "alot" to say. However, my feelings are suppressed by thoughts of the unknown, constant inquiries as to if I'm truly doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now in my life.

For the most part, my life "at this moment" is definetly on the highway- but the highway to where? I normally feel as if I'm where I'm supposed to be "right now" in my life. But, at other times, I think that I'm going a little too fast and I better slow down before I "wreck my future trying to run from my past".

In recent weeks, my past per say has been infiltrating itself into my future. I've had recurrent dreams that make completely no sense. I.e. A dream in which a childhood friend was chasing me with a gun, but we were both adults, and the dream was set in Chicago and I grew up in Jersey.

I've recently accepted a promotion from my employer. In the big skim of things, my new job enables me to acquire more skills, which would allow me to search for a better position down the road. And today I survived my first Board meeting and recieved my 1st paycheck in my new position. It feels good to pay all my bills with 1 paycheck, but am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing at this point in my life? Are all my efforts in vain? Am I truly doing enough to give back to the community to enrich and promote education in our neighborhoods and Am I being the progressive black man I'm supposed to be? Right now at this moment, I don't know. I simply know I'm on the highway of like, but don't know in what direction my car should or is moving in.

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