Create a New World

Lately I've been battling with alot of my demons and realizing mistakes that I've made...let's call them lessons learned... I feel like I'm a good person...better than I've felt in a long time...I still have a way to go to become the Man I'm supposed to be but being there for my family is what's important to me... also what brought me back to DC...it's important for little girls to have support when they go to college so I'm here to be her rock without cramping her style...to give her adult advice without overstepping my boundaries...this weekend I will spend time with my brother and his wife and one of my neices...like I said I'm a Man about family...its family who watch you and pick you up when you fall...its also friends who have become like family or better put who are my extended family who help and aid me when and if I let them when I'm weak...right now it's like I Who have nothing is what I'm feeling the most.... I keep my heart guarded in order not to be hurt knowing that its inevitable will happen because after all I'm a good person... and today I did something that I wouldnt ordinarily do especially to someone who really isn't a part of my life...there's this guy I know who likes me alot..we've known each other for probably about two years...well yesterday he called me and I was like I'll call you back in 30 minutes..to make a long story short I never called him back... didn't intend to in the first place...well today he texted me and was like you never called me back...don't ask me how or where it came from but instead of bullshitting the brotha, I simply said "man that was my fault I was being selfish..I apologize..don't know what that all means or even where it came from but it felt right...for once in my life there was no regret, no fear, anger, sadness, there was just peace...i had told the truth for once... not that I'm known to be a liar, but I've told my share of stories....today I decided there was no story to be told...I was being selfish and wasted the brothas time....he deserved an apology and I was Man enough to give it to him...today i created a new world...

Bigger Fish to Fry

Lately it seems that I have very low tolerance for negativity or bull shit..life is too short to worry about things you cant control or to live an unhappy life. Right now a brotha is just getting his mind right...besides I have bigger fish to fry...

Building back up one day at a time

It seems like lately I'm building myself back up one day at a time--- Learning to see the beauty in life.

Yesterday I had a GREAT day.... I went to church, lunch, saw My Sister's Keeper, hung out with my lil Sis, dinner, then saw The Hangover.... returned home exhausted. It was such a great day!

Long Road taken to end up right where I began

Last year I lost my job and moved to NYC. It was a crazy move and the city that never sleeps changed my life. Originally I was excited about the move and excited about being a New Yorker, however this is before the crowds, expense, and rudeness shook me from my boots! To make a long story short, I'm right back where I began three years ago...back in DC, unemployed, but happy!

My Favorrite Past Time .....Sleeping...

Lately, all I can seem to do is sleep..... but I'm trying to get back in the habit of blogging.... wish me luck.....

Psuedo Responsibility

Tonight as I await for my medication to kick in- everything seems much clearer. I find it hard to get along with other people because I find it hard to get along with myself. I talk about progression and purpose, but yet and still I work at a job where I'm not contributing shyt to the general population.

The rich get rich and the poor get poorer, and I sit along on the sidelines and wrestle with others problems, for a nice salary and benefits but today I acknowledge that I need a purpose driven life..... I need somethinhg more to believe in and it starts with a search for a better job.

Papa Don't Preach

Yesterday, I finally came out to my father. The rest of my close family personally already knew because I told them eleven (11) years ago. But because my father and I never had a relationship he was the only one I hadn't personally told that I wasn't hetersexual.

The conversation went pretty well, partly based on the fact that someone from back home had ran my business thru the street and partly because I am finally at the point in my life where I am comfortable with the decisions I've made and at peace (for the most part) with the fact that my sexual oreintation was choosen years ago- even before I started pulling up little girls dresses and pinching little boys on the behind.

My father's response was one that I hadn't expected... it was true acceptance... he said that...
I'm grown and the decesions I make are mine
that he loves me no matter what
that Jesus loves me
that he's proud of the man that I've become
to not allow people to beat up on me or to beat up on myself because of my sexual orientation
that he always brags about the fact that i put myself through college
that he was always harder on me because i was he's son and that no matter what he loves me...

my father gave me a blessing that i've in some way urned for since childhood..... love...... now, if i can erase the fabrication that my parents don't love me.. maybe... just maybe i can love and accept love in return from my one and only....

if no one told you today...... somebody loves you.... and although my dad's now a pastor he sure didn't preach... and I thank god for that