Saturday, September 30, 2006


Igght, just got out the bed after laying some serious pipe last night with NewDude, I wore his ass out... but like I said don't think he's masculine enough for me and this morning kind of proved that to me, plus he's starting to get attached so I'm going to have to cut this off.

Such a damn shame, cause the brotha got it going on in some of the other areas, but I don't even sleep good with him, so that's also problematic. I think it's because of the masculine/feminine thing and although I've tried to convince myself to look at the other good things about the brotha, it just ain't helping... I can't help it... I'm not attracted to non masculine guys like that. It's like I mean, be u, be urself, but I'm not attracted to that. And I keep having this MLK conversation in my head about the content of one's character but I like what I like and I like the boy next store versus the boy next store of jumps rope or carries a purse... just my personal preference.. For those who are attracted to non masculine guys, I got a few referrals for you... Nice brothas who just lask Testerone.

I know on one level it seems so shallow, but honestly, if it is than I'm guilty.

I like what I like and what I like is MEN. And if you feminine, which means you act like my lil sister or call ur freinds girl, and shyt like that your not masculine, actually lets put it like this, to me, being "gay" is one thing, it means ur attracted to members of the same sex, and that's kewl with me... now when one starts behaving in the manner of the opposite sex one would have what I would call gender identity issues.

Now, let's be realistic we all have to some degree feminine and masculine characterics, (anima and animus) however when you start thinking, breathing and living as the opposite sex you got some issues...

And I mean shyt live your life, I'm definetely not the person to tell someone how to live, I am however the type of person to say please respect my space and queen out over there... because I'm just not attracted to all that... honestly I don't understand it... and kinda don't want to.. long as I'm tolerant and respectful.. I don't think it makes a difference..

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wine, family, and the big picture

I'm on my second glass of red wine... this seems to have become my rountine... come home from the gig, walk and feed the dog, check my adult e-mails, hit the gym, come home eat and enjoy two glasses of red wine.. I keep telling myself the wine is for health reason but honestly I pretty much just like to drink it... which reminds me I need to go buy six more bottles, while it's still on sale... yep, buy six, get 10% off the sale price, so I'm going to stock up on Merlot... one of my favorites and since lately I've been either feeling lonely of laying up with NewDude, who I'm about to drop cause I don't think he's masculine enough for me... and shyt, he's such a good brotha... nice, sweet, affectionate, got a job, but there's two problems.... #1 he lives with his Mama, him and he's brotha so can't be to take care of her, especially all the time he's been over here and 2, I already mentioned... he needs a little more testerone.. such a fucking shame and i kick myself over this issue all the time cause I know I probably pass up alot of "good" brothas because of this but I'm like, I like what I like.. and I like a man's man... shyt....

So, anyway... had a little conversation with my lil sisters today about what else than my crazy mother because don't know why she would do this, well I do-- she's a religious zealot, who is waiting for Jehovah to come get his people... but at any rate, she got mad at one of my little sisters woke her up in the middle of the night cursing and screaming at her about "how she wasn't going to be nothing"... so, I had to ensure my little sister that that wasn't true.... which was a task.... i try to make sure that they have a healthy sense of self esteem although they are living with religious Hitler.... so, started with "well you know that isn't true", and proceeded to the challenges I've faced as a black "gay" man and how people will always say things but if they aren't true you shouldn't worry about them and when someone tells you "No" you have to be strong enough to say well yes, I will do it, and I will do it for me. And so I decided that I will do it..... I'm going to call and talk to them tomorrow about how them must be better than me, because that's what they were designed to do... I was just the water cutting on and they must continue the stream... will this knock me out of the position in the family as the success or the one who made it yes, but it's more important to me, to make sure they learn how to be oung independent successful women than to glout about how I'm the first and only person in my family who went to college... in the end it's so not about me... no matter how hard that is to tell and accept sometimes... but its true.. the journey is so much to do with others and very little to do with me... and that i do have faith in.....

in the big picture where do u stand?

i choose to stand by others... not alone...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Theatre Review: King Lear

Ok, So, I've decided that I will share some of the culture that I get with Sweetness with you knuckleheads out in the blogasphere.

Tonight, or this afternoon rather, we sat and throughly enjoyed a production of King Lear, starring Stacy Keach at the Goodman. The production was first rate and they most have spent a Million dollars on the set alone, because I was truly taken back, when they had the nerve to have the actors ride out in a car, 5 deep, and when the doors and windows opened, the smoke escaped and they were truly blazed, talking bout a smoke out in Shakespeare day, that shyt was too funny..

The other thing that was funny was my reaction when Edmond, sans clothes rolled all over the stage and Stacey Keach, (King Lear) proceeded to join him in all his nakedness. My eyes were surely amazed and my brain fascinated.

Here the artistic director of the Goodman for the past 20 years has taken one of Shakespeare's mastrepieces, added the most of contemporary of elements, drugs, sex, and rock and roll, twisted with it the language and iambim pentameter of Shakespeare's day that simply shines even through some of the flawed acting. All three sisters in my opinion were Weak.... Goneril, being the weakesy, than Cordelia (who you should care about the most, followed by Regan.... The men for the most part stole the show for me, the marvelous Howard Witt as the Fool, Stacy Keach as LEar (that man has one hell of an imagination), Steve Pickering as Kent (he was the clearest actor of all, in control of the language and truly made you understand every word without needing a dictionary or lexicon).

But out and out, this show is about the Director... Robert Falls has truly taken this Shakesperan tragedy and made it almost a comedy.. something so entertaining your never afraid ur going to fall asleep and he keeps you guessing, with his innuedoes, forbidden love triangles, sense of sexuality and most of all the good and evil that lies in us all.... but even in the end, it is forgiveness that saves this production. We forgive the acting pit falls in favor of the excellent production values and creativity that is truly thrown from the stage.

If I can respect anything it's a man with an imagination and creavity and those are two things Mr. Falls most certainly doesn't lack.

Next week, were off to see Hamlet at Chicago Shakespeare...

So, until than, you'll just have to be entertained with the drama, tragedy, and comedy that comes from my day to day interactions with these crazy people who happened to drop in my life... until than... be safe and be well.

Signing off....

Monday, September 11, 2006


It was like any other morning for a graduate acting student.. Got up early, ate breakfast, ran to the train, made it just in the nic of time. I had movement this morning and I was known for being late to my class.

Class always started in time, and if your ass wasn't there when the door shut, you were absent. Sit your ass in the hallway and watch everyone else roll around on the mats and imagine what the teacher is saying as she takes everyone but you through today's lesson. But, today, I wasn't in the hallway- today I was on time.

Today I was at my locker changing into my warm up gear and as I entered the classroom, the lights were dim, the music began to play and I along with my other 8 classmates began to roll on the mats, feeling our spines, lengthen and stretching our bodies, releasing the tension in the small of our backs or focusing on the position of our sternums.. and chest up.. release... we worked just about every part of our bodies, in near darkness, the teacher lead us through the warm-up. I remember being so comfortable, relaxed even.. then it happened.

A small voice opened the door and said I'm sorry you have to leave the University is closed.. none of us knew what happened, or how it happened, we just knew that we had to go back home.. and here I was for once on time.

Little did I know, until we walked down a few blocks to catch the train..

little did I know that a plane had run into the WTC.

Little did I know before I would make it home to my apartment with two of my classmates that the other plane would hit..

Little would I know that my heart would pound and tears would come to my eyes as I witnessed people jumping to their deaths.. refusing to be burned by fire or smashed to peices..

little would I know that here I was watching humanity.. mankind struggling with the most unimaginable thing ever.. with survival..

I got on my cell phone and tried to call one of my exes, although we hadn't talked in some time.. My mouth suddenly longed for the taste of his saliva, for the warmth of he's embrace. to know that he was ok... and wasn't in or near that building... those buildings...

i became and remained tense... afraid... for lack of a better word and deeply confused... my phone kept going off, calls from loved ones making sure i was ok and warning me not to go down town because the Sears tower might be next..

I wanted to disappear to dig a hole so deep that I could hide from any harm, but I couldn't there I sat watching human life collapse as the tower went down... mouth agape.. unbelieving what I just witnessed... and than again... the other tower and than i felt disgust, vomit wanting to purge from my chest but nothing would release but tears and anguish..

this sights would run through the television for the next few days.. we remained numb....

later that day we said our good byes and there i sat in my one bedroom apartment wondering in the words of Marvin Gay "what's going on?"

Pissed Off at Blogger

Why does blogger constantly fail to upload my damn blog entries... WHY?

Why does it do it after I've typed a pretty lengthy blog and than it decides that it doesn't want to transmit it.

Someone tell me why?

why did it not save my 9/11 blog entry and I don't feel like re-typing it!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Brad Pitt for Gay marriage?

Can you believe this?

Brad Pitt' ever the social activist, says he won't be marrying
Angelina until the restrictions on who can marry whom are are dropped.

"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the 42-year-old actor reveals in Esquire magazine's October issue, on newsstands Sept. 19.

And we always knew he was family... lol... but the real question is do they think it will really work?

I'm all for gay marriage don't get me wrong...

oh and i have a crush on this dude that i see at the gym....

the way the brotha looks at me makes me he makes me so fucking nervous and the other day he sees me and smiles this big ass smile, with them white ass teeth, and says "whassup man"... I was like chillen.. chillen.. sup wit u...and then we had a long ass intellectual convo in the steam room... he's a cutie pit but he might be str8 so I'm keeping my distance.. sometimes guys are just "freindly"

Friday, September 01, 2006

Good news.... good news.. she isn't dead

Good news.. good news.....Ana Gayster is hitting Broadway once again.. but this time as the Wicked Witch of the East.. in Wicked.. if you haven't seen it, you've been living under a rock.. and you better go to get your tickets now... she will be joining former cast mate from the Chicago production Kate Reinders....

I fucking love this show.. I've seen it three times already! and might break down and spend a twenty to try and win a lottery ticket to sit in the front row to see it again...and based on the fact that there are four productions going on right now.. i guess i ain't the only one who Wicked has cast a spell on... Right now, there's the NY company, the Chicago company, the Touring company, London company with Indina Menzel, the LA company is being finalized and shyt, they also have a Tokya company.....

Wicked is wickedly good...

And no I haven't seen the Color Purple but it's coming to Chicago next year and I will get my tickets.. but back to Wicked....

The Musical basically covers the back story to the Wizard of Oz... what happened before Dorothy's country behind got in the picture,., it's filled with songs and emotions that we have all felt wither it be liking that boy or girl, wanting to be loved, being friends, and than growing apart... the thought and insecurity of someone loving you who you've always liked but never imagined that they would like u back... and it answers the question who knows good from bad.. right from wrong.. and is it just presumption.

Was going to post some lyrics but peep the link and check them out for urself...

So, yo.... this "gay" moment has been brought to you by

LOL.. Have a good weekend peeps..