Wine, family, and the big picture

I'm on my second glass of red wine... this seems to have become my rountine... come home from the gig, walk and feed the dog, check my adult e-mails, hit the gym, come home eat and enjoy two glasses of red wine.. I keep telling myself the wine is for health reason but honestly I pretty much just like to drink it... which reminds me I need to go buy six more bottles, while it's still on sale... yep, buy six, get 10% off the sale price, so I'm going to stock up on Merlot... one of my favorites and since lately I've been either feeling lonely of laying up with NewDude, who I'm about to drop cause I don't think he's masculine enough for me... and shyt, he's such a good brotha... nice, sweet, affectionate, got a job, but there's two problems.... #1 he lives with his Mama, him and he's brotha so can't be to take care of her, especially all the time he's been over here and 2, I already mentioned... he needs a little more testerone.. such a fucking shame and i kick myself over this issue all the time cause I know I probably pass up alot of "good" brothas because of this but I'm like, I like what I like.. and I like a man's man... shyt....

So, anyway... had a little conversation with my lil sisters today about what else than my crazy mother because don't know why she would do this, well I do-- she's a religious zealot, who is waiting for Jehovah to come get his people... but at any rate, she got mad at one of my little sisters woke her up in the middle of the night cursing and screaming at her about "how she wasn't going to be nothing"... so, I had to ensure my little sister that that wasn't true.... which was a task.... i try to make sure that they have a healthy sense of self esteem although they are living with religious Hitler.... so, started with "well you know that isn't true", and proceeded to the challenges I've faced as a black "gay" man and how people will always say things but if they aren't true you shouldn't worry about them and when someone tells you "No" you have to be strong enough to say well yes, I will do it, and I will do it for me. And so I decided that I will do it..... I'm going to call and talk to them tomorrow about how them must be better than me, because that's what they were designed to do... I was just the water cutting on and they must continue the stream... will this knock me out of the position in the family as the success or the one who made it yes, but it's more important to me, to make sure they learn how to be oung independent successful women than to glout about how I'm the first and only person in my family who went to college... in the end it's so not about me... no matter how hard that is to tell and accept sometimes... but its true.. the journey is so much to do with others and very little to do with me... and that i do have faith in.....

in the big picture where do u stand?

i choose to stand by others... not alone...