Monday, December 31, 2007

Family & thankfullness

This past weekend I had the opportunity of spending time with my family and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was exactly where I belonged just for a
short amount of time.

For most of my life, I've been running... running away adn towards something or perhaps both at the same time and at the same pace. At any rate, while I was at home I had time to drive around to witness how things had changed and had not changed and as I waited for tears to come.. no tears came... as i waited for some type of STRONG reaction there was none... there was only acceptance.... acceptance that I can't go in the past and change anything--- there is no reason to feel sorry for myself---- I grew up as I was supposed to-- black and poor.. and battling the discovery that I was also not heterosexual.... I was overwhelmed by these challenges and still I survived-- it is through this that today I am capable and adaptable to transition from old age negro to african american business man..... it is through this struggle that I have learned that I am love... that I have always been love .. that someone has always loved me even if I didn't know it.... and that I have love to give marks the end of such much... & the beginning of beautiful, wonderfull things because I'm learning & continue to learn to get out of my own way.......

I invite all goodness into my life... and into the life of others......

peace..... is what i wish and dream of the most for all of us..... let the beginning of the next decade be peacefull...... let us study ignorance and shame no more----- let us see the beauty in one another and the miracoulous gift that is today....

Friday, December 28, 2007

Nina Simone Feeling

One bad chick.... Feelings....

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Great Debaters Trailer


The Great Debaters

If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT!!!
I went by myself.. enjoyed it... laughed, cried, smiled, and was filled with hope.
Go check it out---- this is a quality African American movie that we need to support and not just because Oprah produced it.... which I think was very brave of her... but because it's about our history....

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Dreams, Illusions, & Metamorphosis

I just awoke from a dream of angels, and demons, and hustlers, and old family members and the rembrance of my father- In this dream, I revealed after a few days with my father's "family" my attraction for men and I explained why I choose not to have a relationship with them- because it's more important for me to love and honor me than to hide to accomondate people who don't care about my well being. In the dream, the last thing I remember is my father running down the street naked hollering and screaming about how could I sleep with men.... As I yelled back I'm thirty (30) years old, I can sleep with whomever I choose. My father went in a rage, ran down the street like a bull, with an erect penis and sometype of stone hanging from his phallus as if my "shame" were weighing down his own manhood..... As he continued running and galloping around, moaning about my indiscretion... I realized that I love me even the broken bones of who I am.. the muscle, the fat, the little moles across my back... and I'm not willing to give that up for anyone..... right before i awoke.. i was getting in my car, mind you a car I'd never seen before and a man tried to prevent me from entering.... i don't know where this man came from or if he was a demon, illusion, or metamorphis.... i asked him to please move out of my path.... i than simply moved his hand, entered the car and sat. As I looked at him, sitting safely within---- I begin to wonder perhaps I'd just moving my own demon out the way--

Sunday, December 23, 2007

End of a Year/ Beginning of a Decade

As the end of the year approaches and another one dawns, I realize how fortunate I am- As I end my twenties (20's) and welcome my thirties (30's) I know that only better days will come.

I've spent most of my life terrified of life itself- unable to cope- unable to truly feel... and my twenties educated and informed me of who I had become-- even in it's unstableness. I now not only realize that I'm worthy of good things, but acknowledge the fact that it's only after and between the bad that has chartered my consciousness.

I'm ready for forgiveness, for love, for all the best to enter my life. In 2008, I vow to be happy, healthier, and more successful than ever before.

I now happily welcome the end of one year and the beginning of another.

All the best!

Monday, December 03, 2007