Monday, August 14, 2006

New Campaign

I saw this on the internet today and couldn't stop from reposting it...

I think this is one of the strongest and profound messages I've seen in a lonnng timmee.....

Weekend Recap

Damn, it's Monday already!

I had a long packed weekend and I'm hoping the week goes fast, so I can get back home and relax.

So, Thursday, I found myself sitting in a theatre listening and watching a crazy ass musical. The entire time, I'm thinking to myself this is really bad! With the exception of one performer, the cast was just simply bad- and I couldn't decide if it was the script, the music, the direction, or that some peeps just can't act! (Sorry)... the singing was a little bit better and the dancing at least kept you interested. So, I trudged through it, smiled at the director when I saw him and said, well what else could I say, (I surely couldn't say wow, that was really bad, with the exception of the main chick, and the one song_... so I said, hey congratulations. I don't know exactly what I was congratulating him on- but hey had to say something.. and hey it's takes alot of work to put on plays.. so I'm going to give the man a break... so anyway, I departed from the theatre and stopped by one of my favorite South Side dips... had a glass of wine and carried my behind home.....

Friday, I found myself re-arranging the clutter on my desk.. actually got some clutter off my desk and than hung out with a co-worker for a minute.. (Well don't know if we really hung out, because we just bitched about our jobs).. so at any rate, left her, went home, walked the dog, chilled out.. hit the bar for a quick minute.. actually ended up meeting a cutie pie, we went home together, kissed like i dont know what.. laid up, hugged up ALL night, no sex- which was kewl... and just chilled.. I got up on Saturday, around 2pm and shyt, showered, and shaved and was ready to start the day...

So, I walked the dog, chilled out for a minute and then went to my "family reunion".. I discovered that I have family here in Chicago is two parts of the family were getting together so I found myself on the lakefront with my "family"... was crazy, just talking to everyone and I'm a few generations removed so, it's a challenge especially when you female cousins want to jump your and I'm being serious... had three of my older female cousin ask me "you sure u my kin".. by the end of the day I wanted to run away, but had alot of fun.. and it was refreshing until (yep, there's an until...) homophobia had to rear it's ugly head... it amazes me how people are homophobic and don't know it.. so were playing cards and there's alot of kids around, so a little boy who wasn't family, but was a freind of the family was chasing on of the cousin's around.. and out of my cousing mouth, the one who wanted to fuck me earlier comes... "Oh you like her baby... you ain't no kin to us is you... oh you like her baby, i'm glad... im glad you like girls and she likes boys and I'm glad you like her....".... All of a sudden all my damn, this is really kewl... stopped... I was frozen.. did I really hear what I thought I heard.. and that started a mini conversation that I really didn't want to be in attendance to hear... the punks this and that.. started and I quickly focused on diverting the conversation back to playing cards... Because I wanted to get up and leave... I no longer wanted to be apart of this family.. and of course since this was the first day that I was meeting everyone I didn't want to make the announcement that I'm Emotionalbrotha, your gay cousin...But, inside of me, for those one or two seconds that I froze I became angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, upset, I wanted to punch the shyt out of someone because here it was again..... Homophobia had reared his ugly head.. and this wasn't the first time, that I had witnessed this behavior at a family event.. the last event I attended resulted in someone being called a "faggot" and a "sissy" and I knew that I would not attend events at that family members house any longer.. oh, and I forgot or maybe I blogged about this before but when a freind of the family invited me to join them on a trip to Jamaica only to turn around and punch me in the gut, by adding but you got to be straight! You got to bring a lady with you.. this is a straight couples event only and right then and there I knew I wouldn't be going to Jamaica with this crew and I would be avoiding this asshole like the plague...

So, anyway, the conversation was back on track and the Spades game was back on... we had to get up from the table cause we got whopped but it was all good.. I knew were I needed to stand with some of my family members and that was far back... I mean way back away from them.. and then I got to thinking about my life and alienation and how many times have I because of either fear or other's ignorance, how many times have I just ignore, avoided, or not stayed in contact with someone because of their comments relating to being gay.. and I think I have done that alot... which is good because I don't allow others to abuse me in regards to this but it's also fucked up because u miss out on part of the journey....

So, anyway.. after the BBQ, I found myself with my younger cousins, smoking.. drinking...watching tv... of course they wanted to talk about "hoes"... I hate that shyt.. straight men, crack me up with their I'm god's gift to the world BS.. so, anyway I found myself quickly at the door on my way home or to the club and most of Saturday night I don't too much liquor and weed... I do know this though... I woke up in some strangers bed.. but nothing happened the night before.. I passed out and dude well went to sleep pissed off cause he thought he was fitten to get some... HaHa... anyway, supposedly, Jamacian said that I asked him for a kiss at the club... he said I was off the No, he didn't give it to me.. he was trying to be up on his Ex.. who is some whack ass niggah, who I know.. but didn't know that was his ex.. the world is too damn

So, anyway... On my way home... which it took me an hour... note, to self chill out on the drinking and next time go home with a stranger who lives closer to Just joking... So, on my way home, I decided to walk off the liquor and I took a walk thru the park... it was a pretty nice day, not to hot-- not to cold... I saw a few familiar faces and met this dude who ended up going home with me.. watching movies with me.. and the brotha cooked me some dinner.. it was all kewl.... until we were about to have sex.. and dudes booty was dirty... (I apologize to my str8 bloggers....).. so I said iight man, let's just chill out... kewl.. kewl.. watched movies... laid up... hugged.. in fact this morning the brotha said damn you hugged me all night.. I was like yeah that's me Mr. so anyway, was kewl.. woke up to him sucking me off... he gives good head and then he sat on my dick.. and i was like yo, hold up... get that towel right there, and blah blah blah.. so i started pumping and something told me to check to make sure everything was clean.. and i pulled out my dick and theres shyt on the condom... I'm like ok.. it's over -- (For gods sake).. I mean I know it's a booty but don't use me as a urinal.. that's just nasty... so I go get some toilet paper clean everything off.. remain calm... wash my man... and jump in the shower but not before i put dude out because now I'm turned off and you can't turn me back on....

I mean I hate that shyt,, I know it's a ass... but clean ur shyt than give it up.... don't give nobody gravy or dressing.. i want fresh salad, no croutons-- no dressing.. just fresh booty... so, all the hugging, and moving watching and u cooking me dinners is over... why cause u couldn't have enough respect not only for urself but for me... Dookieboy...LOL.....

LMAO... But, I had to get that off my chest... that is sooooo NASty.......

That's going to be dude's name from now on (saving it into my phone...).. I'm just plain ignorant.. and that was a wrap...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Minding my own Business

Yesterday, I talked with my moms and my two sisters regarding Family Drama!

And for once I decided to take my mom's advice...

I've decided to mind my own damn business... (At least until things get worse)

After all teenagers will be teenagers and when I was 17, I was a hot mess... drinking, sexing, cursuing, smoking weed.. sleeping with men.. sleeping with women.. sleeping wit my freinds mothers... a HOT so, I guess my lil sis is about to start her rebel phase... she's still a virgin, so lets hope between all the transition at least that will last..

So, in the meantime... minding my own..

Today's horoscope

This is my horoscope according to the Village Voice... it's kinda true..

The often inebriated Calamity Jane character on HBO's TV show Deadwood uttered words that are important for you to take to heart. I'll paraphrase her observation in order to streamline her drunken syntax: "Every day you have to figure out how to live all over again." Of course this is always true, Aquarius, but it's even more intensely apt for you right now. The good news is that you'll be unusually skilled at deciphering the ever changing rules of the master game, and you're also likely to have maximum fun while doing so.

Funny Advice

This is someone's idea of advice.. I found it funny as hell and pretty "real" so wanted to share it...

Savage Love

by Dan Savage
August 8th, 2006 1:03 PM

Q. I was dating an amazing guy—smart, funny, caring, and interesting. I just wasn't that attracted to him. I enjoyed hooking up with him, but it was never one of those "Oh man, I just have to have you" things. Enter my good friend, whom I'd been harboring a crush on for quite some time. I was sure he wasn't interested in me, so I didn't think it would affect the relationship at all. We were at a party—this was about three months into my relationship with Boy No. 1—and it turned out that he was interested! And since my attraction to him is extremely intense, we had sex. I thought he would want to date me after that, so I broke up with Boy No. 1. Turns out, it was just a one-night stand. Oops. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I still really like Boy No. 1. Having sex with Boy No. 2 was a mistake, and if I could go back and change it, I would in a heartbeat. I know you're probably thinking, "Wow, what a bitch," right now, because I am too! I feel terrible, but I want my old boyfriend back!—Stupid Bitch in South Carolina
A. And why do you want Boy No. 1 back? It can't be because he's smart, funny, caring, and interesting. Boy No. 1 was all those things when you dumped him for Boy No. 2. And unless Boy No. 1 got a face-and-body transplant in the days after you dumped him, the attraction problem is still going to be an issue, and you probably won't be able to resist the next good-looking guy who comes along. So why do you want him back? Here's a guess: You can't stand the thought of being alone while you wait for Boy No. 3 to come along—a hot guy who wants to date you as much as he wants to fuck you—and so you want Boy No. 1 to be your chump, to hang around and keep you entertained, but just until it's time to dump him again.

But—surprise!—Boy No. 1 isn't interested in being your chump, SBISC, and can you blame him? You fucked around on him, you fucked with his ego, and you fucked with his emotions. Now have the decency to fuck off.


Q. I'm a middle-aged guy, more twisted than most. I'm lucky enough to be married to a very sexy lady who goes along with most of my kinks, even to the point of visiting me while I'm taking a bath and squatting down to give me a drink of her lovely recycled juices.

My question: She has given me a "free pass" to fulfill the kinks that she is not quite up to. I've always wanted to have a gay sex encounter, and I'd like to try it before I get too old or chicken out. But I would look silly cruising a bar, and I'm skeptical about Internet personal ads. Any ideas? —Middle-Aged Kinkster

A. No ideas, MAK. No advice, no guidance, no pointers. You know why I got nothin' for you? Because if we gay guys aren't allowed to be married— to each other—then you married straight guys aren't allowed to be gay. Not even once, not even if you're just going to put it in a little, not even with the wife's permission. (Married Canadian straight guys can be as gay as they like, of course—have at it, fellas.)

Q. I'm 18 years old, dating a 24-year-old. We accidentally got pregnant and are expecting in January. We love each other and we want to stay together, but he doesn't want to talk about getting married. I would marry him in a heartbeat, but that's not the only problem. Because the pregnancy was an accident and because I decided to keep it, I feel that he secretly resents me and has lost attraction for me. His sex drive has gone way down. We still have sex, but only because I beg him to. He says he loves me and still thinks I'm attractive, but his actions speak way louder than his words. I can't talk to any of my friends or family about it, because I don't want anyone to think badly of him or our relationship. I can't even talk to him about it anymore because I always end up crying. What can I do?—Pregnant and Deprived

A. Doesn't your boyfriend read the papers, PAD? According to the state of New York's highest court, the institution of marriage exists expressly to entice the likes of him—that is, irresponsible straight boys—into marrying the likes of you—that is, irresponsible straight girls. Since heterosexual relationships are "often casual or temporary" and "unstable relationships between people of the opposite sex present a greater danger that children will be born into or grow up in unstable homes," the court found that the state can deny same-sex couples—with kids, without kids, whatever—the right to marry. Marriage is set aside exclusively for folks like you!

And you mean to tell me that your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you? What a fucking ingrate! I'm not sure what you can do about it, PAD, but perhaps those judges in New York can help you out. Maybe one of the judges can hold the shotgun while another officiates?

Q. I am a straight man, married with kids. I'm happy, but I need help. There's something I want to try, but my wife is scared. I have always wanted to watch her getting banged by another dude. I also want to get it on with a hot guy. I have talked to her about it, and all I can get her to do is talk about boys we both find cute and do a little role-playing. How do I get her to actively look for Mr. Right for both of us? How come all women wanna get freaky with another girl, but when it comes to male bi-ness the door is closed? —In Need of Hot Boy

A. Oh, great. Another letter from a legally married "straight" wannabe cocksucker. Look, INOHB, while lots of women are turned on by the images of men getting it on—there weren't that many gay guys watching the American version of Queer as Folk—many women feel that a gay sex act somehow diminishes the masculinity of both men involved. Is it fair? No. Is it a double standard? Yes. What can be done about it? Not much.

As for your problem, INOHB, it's like I told MAK: Until we gay male cocksuckers can get married, I'm done helping out married "straight" male cocksuckers.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Family Drama

A few months ago, my younger sister asked me could she come live with me if things got worse between her and my mother... I of course, love my lil sis to death and told her yes.

This morning, the inevitable happened- I recieved a telephonecall from one of my lil sisters, who was crying. She choked back tears as she told me how my mother had lost her mind at 8:00am this morning and began cursuing her out, hitting her, and than to make matters worse, began choking her- (none of this suprised me- I had warned her earlier about turning the BIG 17 and how my mother would freak out... MY mother did after all evict me from her house at 17.)

So, my lil sis called the police, who I presume are supposed to serve and protect, but decided to tie her arms to the back of a chair with handcuffs and then threaten to send her to "juvee" (detention center). According to my lil sis, the cops told her that they would put her in "juvee" because she called the cops to report the fact that my mom was whopping her ass... (not right)...

So, as I listened to this horror story, I attempted to comfort my little sis, and ask her questions and just told her to calm down... then it happened.. I asked her "so, what do you need me to do?" and she stated well, I want to come live with you.. and I'm like ok and what about school.. and she's like I'll go to school there and I'm like ok... so what are you going to do? and she says well I'm going to ask mommy can I come live with you.. and I'm like ok.. let me know what happens...

So, was my reaction feasible... i mean logically... i mean reasonable...

After hearing the horror story this morning, of how my mother lost her mind- similiar to the same way she did when I was 17, I say hell yes.

Now, I'm faced with how am I going to get her way to Chicago.... is this going to end up being a drive back home to Jersey or a quick flight expenditure, which would mean one of my bills won't get paid and I'm I really ready to live with a 17 year old? I mean, I would have to stop some of the things I do and I would definetely have to stash the porno collection.

I am half worried/ half excited/ half confused... and I feel like what the hell is wrong with my family?

Friday, August 04, 2006

Today's Memories

This morning, it happened again...amongst my morning routine.. eating.. checking.. e-mail.. eating.. answering calls... checking email.. and i received a reminder about a birthday party that I am to attend tomorrow.. No big deal, already planned to go, etc, etc.. but than I started surfing around the guest list to prepare my self to see anyone else that I knew or really didn't want to know.. but just so I could prepare myself.. I mean majority of the attractive people know the other attractive people and who not to say that my buddy ain't sleep with one of my ex's or at least know them and perhaps they are invited to the b-day party as well. --

Who knows....

So, I'm going through the list and I decided to click on my own name.. and a screen popped up and then they had like a little questionaire thing.. and one of the questions was what's ur favorite restaurant.. so i started with my usual answers.... Cheeescake Factory... fucking witya... Popeyes ain't no restaurant... and then I type my old spot in Baltimore and tears formed in my eyes.. because as soon as I typed it she came back into my memory and my heart began to beat hard as hell not because I had forgotten her, but because I try to escape the pain that her memory brings... it's been three years since i've heard her voice, or seen her smile or felt her soft touch....she was the only person... male or female or ever understood me and .. she is gone... has been gone for a long time.. and this place.. this restaurant reminded me of her smile... of her warmth.. of how much i truly miss her.. and that pain is so real..... i miss my best friend-- i think about her constantly without even trying and i'm mad as hell at her for leaving me.

I know she didn't have a choice and that the cancer ate her away and things in the end got real messy and she still made a way for me, even during her demise, she showered me with nothing but love.. and to someone who had never felt that before.. it felt good... i need more of that in my life.... today's memories are yesterday's heartaches which have brought me sorrow today and in a strange way joy... because i know she is smiling somewhere... watching me ravel through this thing called life on my own terms.. in my own skin... maturing into the man i'm supposed to be...