It was like any other morning for a graduate acting student.. Got up early, ate breakfast, ran to the train, made it just in the nic of time. I had movement this morning and I was known for being late to my class.
Class always started in time, and if your ass wasn't there when the door shut, you were absent. Sit your ass in the hallway and watch everyone else roll around on the mats and imagine what the teacher is saying as she takes everyone but you through today's lesson. But, today, I wasn't in the hallway- today I was on time.
Today I was at my locker changing into my warm up gear and as I entered the classroom, the lights were dim, the music began to play and I along with my other 8 classmates began to roll on the mats, feeling our spines, lengthen and stretching our bodies, releasing the tension in the small of our backs or focusing on the position of our sternums.. and chest up.. release... we worked just about every part of our bodies, in near darkness, the teacher lead us through the warm-up. I remember being so comfortable, relaxed even.. then it happened.
A small voice opened the door and said I'm sorry you have to leave the University is closed.. none of us knew what happened, or how it happened, we just knew that we had to go back home.. and here I was for once on time.
Little did I know, until we walked down a few blocks to catch the train..
little did I know that a plane had run into the WTC.
Little did I know before I would make it home to my apartment with two of my classmates that the other plane would hit..
Little would I know that my heart would pound and tears would come to my eyes as I witnessed people jumping to their deaths.. refusing to be burned by fire or smashed to peices..
little would I know that here I was watching humanity.. mankind struggling with the most unimaginable thing ever.. with survival..
I got on my cell phone and tried to call one of my exes, although we hadn't talked in some time.. My mouth suddenly longed for the taste of his saliva, for the warmth of he's embrace. to know that he was ok... and wasn't in or near that building... those buildings...
i became and remained tense... afraid... for lack of a better word and deeply confused... my phone kept going off, calls from loved ones making sure i was ok and warning me not to go down town because the Sears tower might be next..
I wanted to disappear to dig a hole so deep that I could hide from any harm, but I couldn't there I sat watching human life collapse as the tower went down... mouth agape.. unbelieving what I just witnessed... and than again... the other tower and than i felt disgust, vomit wanting to purge from my chest but nothing would release but tears and anguish..
this sights would run through the television for the next few days.. we remained numb....
later that day we said our good byes and there i sat in my one bedroom apartment wondering in the words of Marvin Gay "what's going on?"