Well, cutie pie didn't call me back last night and I haven't seen him since we kissed. To say the least my feelings are hurt and I'm like wide open. But, I'm kewl. Dealing with it, learning to accept it- you would think that one day I would learn that "kisses aren't contracts". (the original poem- both noteworthy of reading, although some folks were never taught about plaguarism)However, thus far this hasn't happened.
I laid in bed last night, thinking to myself just kick this niggah to the curb, but then I was like well maybe he has a good "excuse"; then again we make time for what we want to make time for. And then I was like well shyt just call someone else because I mean shyt it ain't like other brothas ain't trying to holla. But, I wouldn't allow myself to call someone else cause I would have been with them thinking about him. So, I just laid in bed, reanalyzing the situation or what some might say was/is "torturing myself".
I talked with a buddy's of mine yesterday who's also a poet/ he said when did u meet this guy/ i was like/ ah on sunday night/ and i was ranting n raving about this n that/ he was like/ so your simply infatuated with this dude/ i was like what?/ he was like it's infatuation/ well maybe it is/ n if it is/ infatuation is a bitch/ and now i'm sitten here thinking & rethinking/ my every move with this dude/ wondering/ trying to figure out what i did wrong/ where & how did i move in the wrong direction/ and it's uncomprehensible because if he doesn't like me/ then it was what it was/ simply a kiss/ n i'm going to have to accept that/ becuz kisses aren't contracts/ and holding a hand ain't chaining a soul/ but then it gets much deeper/ LIKE/ why do i always fall for guys who can't/don't want to/ or aren't capable of "liking""loving" "falling" for me? Am I just on some ole destructive shyt or am i simply singing Tine Turner's fool in love ?
I simply don't know. All I know is that last night, I didn't call someone else to be with/have sex with/ occupy my time with. cause/ I can't/don't want to do the same dumb shyt again/ it's time to accept that things don't often go my way- that life is sometimes lonely- sometimes disappointing but i got to keep moving- nose wide open and all..... - What does love have to do with it? EVERYTHING!!!!
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You remind of me of me in so many ways, just from reading your blog. No you are not a fool, you are human and just learning. I used to have my nose wide open if a guy just asked my name or held my hand. Had to learn love is something that is just not instant but something that grows over time. So give it time....
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