So, yesterday I had "the talk" with Cutiepie. Notice, his name is now in color....lol.. anyway, so I was kinda nervous and his kisses still feel so damn good! It took me like 25 minutes to kiss him cause I wanted to listen to what he had to say and say what I needed to say before I started kissing all up on him and getting into my feelings. So, I've kinda readjusted to where his at and what's going on with him right now. In short, he likes me- is not looking for a relationship right now- but likes talking to me, etc. I'm like ok kewl. I can respect that-
I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship either, I'm waiting on one, but I ain't looking... so, I'm kewl. I'm still flooded with all kinds of feelings about this dude though.. and last night I read him the poem/thoughts i posted a few days ago- he was like damn all that from one night- i told him all that from one moment- it's a shame how he got me open like this- but it's kewl cause i'm allowing myself to feel my way through this expereince- I've realized that in the past I've played it safe/ & didn't truly honor my feelings and in alot of ways it contributed to "someone fucking me up" or what I now realize is that I was fucking my own self up or what some people would say I was "protecting myself".
Well right now, I've decided not to protect myself- I just wanna feel- and whatever feelings come through- it is what it is----- So, last night i took the first step- I simply told dude, I just wanna spend some time with you- I had the nerve to tell him the truth I just wanna be around you man- if it's 5 minutes, 10 minutes, just walking your dogs with you- I just wanna be around you- spend some time with you--get to know you-i just wanna be around you-and I do, I just want to be around this brotha.