Wednesday, February 09, 2005

My own dumb ass mistakes and.. being ignored

Ok, so it's 3:27 pm and I still haven't taken my lunch break. I'm thinking of closing the office and going home and lay up in my sheets. But, damn, I don't feel like going home to an empty house and an empty bed. It's times like this that I miss being in a relationship. What I wouldn't give to have someone at home to rub my head and chest and hold me while I sweat this cold out.

But, I don't have anyone, so what's the use of talking about it.

Ok, so I created this mental blog last night after I saw Mr. Issues, this guy I kinda laid up with a few times. No, we've never fucked, but we've kicked it a few times, you know kissed, laid up, rubbed dicks, had drinks, things like that. Well, in the beginning I was feeling this cat because he was so my type "like that" and I was comfortable wit him, not to mention he was like mad affectionate. So, the fucked up part about this brotha was that he had a "female" in his life. So, I was keeping my distance, not trying to get all caught up with this cat, because obviuosly he got he's own issues. Shyt, if he's in a relationship and then out and about everywhere where he ain't got no business being, I think that's consitutes having "ISSUES". So, anyway, and not excusing myself, but let me say, this I can go to the "hoe" places cause #1 I'm grown, #2 I'm single and #3 I'm honest about my shyt.

So, I go inside the bookstore, I went to buy a porno not get my dick sucked, so slow your roll right there. Anyway, I end up in the back where the booths are at, and I meet this brotha and long and behold after he stares me down for like 20 minutes or more, we start talking. Well, we standing back in this nasty ass bookstore listening to people jerk/suck/fuck- doing "god" knows what- and were actaully enjoying each other convo, which is very suprising in this parts. So, I get to the point where I'm like ok, enough talking you want to come to the crib and chill with a brotha, because I don't need to be doing nuttin in no nasty ass bookstore- I pay rent and It's time for me to get the fuck up outta here and the brotha is like ok, kewl.

So, I buy my two films, head out to the parking lot and long and behold who do I see... Mr. Issues. And I'm like hey, whassup but in a sly like kinda way, because ole boy is walking to his car to come chill wit me. And this mofo, ask just like he doesn't know me, kinda looks, but kinda turns his head and refuses to ackwoledge my presence. So, I'm like this muthafukka right here..... and my head and heart is like what the fuck- I know this muthafucka ain't looking down on me and he in the same fucking place I'm @. And I just want to kinda cry because I was feeling this brotha, who just happens to have a "female" in his life, but just so happens to be "out and about" like I don't know what. One part of me wishes I fucked his lil loose booty ass, just to have one up on him, and the other side, really feels something for this brotha, because after all we kissed. And I knew tonight, there would be no kissing with the starry eyed brotha who was following me home.

So, anyway, after I'm liking cussing Mr. Issues out on my way home. I finally get to the crib, talk for like 45 more minutes with starry eyed brotha and then we get down to business and jerk off. So, were in the middle of jerking off and this brotha starts asking how does my dick taste, and I'm like take your ass down there and see. So, the brotha starts licking my nutts, the shyt feels good. Then all of a sudden he starts eating my ass, and I'm like knock your self out, you can lick it all you want, but you ain't sticking it- Sorry Pal! So, anyway, this brotha is licking me from head to toe, sucking my toes, licking my balls, licking the fuck out my ass, and I'm like shyt, I'm going to NUTT!!! So, this mofo is licking my ass like it's the last ice cream cone in the word and I buss all over this fools chest. So, I retire to the bathroom, bring his ass a washcloth and I'm like ok, negro I'm sleepy- time for you to go- unless you wanna stay the night and cuddle. He politely declines, says he has a "girlfireind" and has to go home. I'm like, I be damned another one- Another Mr. Issues.... or shyt should I say, this is just one of my dumb ass mistakes and I know I ain't going to be nothing but ignored.......... So, now that I know this brotha got a girlfriend and can't give me what I need, I'm really rushing his ass out my house. I'm like aiight man you got my #(yeah I'm still using that tired ass line, and the dumb mofos still falling for it) finally he gathers his clothes and heads out the door.

I take the sheets off the coach and retire to my bed. Now, here I am laying in this big ass bed alone, and why? I guess because I'm lost, alone, scared, and just keep doing the same dumb shyt-
When will I get it?
I continually remind myself over and over again, that if I do the same thing, I've always done, I'll always keep getting what I always got-- and shyt, I'm tired already!!!


Karsh said...

Oh wow...did Mr. Issues ever contact you? That's some shady shit on his part; he's not worth it even if the attraction's just on the physical level.

Anonymous said...

I think you are a great person, and you remind me of me. However, this is my first time commenting on your blog. Now, a few weeks or days ago, you wrote about some guy you were with that was HIV+ and did not post for about a week or so. I was worried about you. Now you come with this guy who has a girl and you still need affection stuff. I beat off about once a day, and I'll do it just about anywhere. If you don't use your hand, and stay strong, and stay out of these boys faces, and leave these men with girlfriends alone. Learn your limits! God will only spare us so many times. I hate to sound judgemental, but I think it is because i see you in me and In some ways, i'm hoping your strength will help me out. No matter what you do, don't forget to keep me Posted!