Out of Limbo

Lately it seems as if I have not been myself- I haven't done anything that I normally would do or would not do. However my mind is heavy with anxiety and fear-and something within me has changed- I can't exactly name it right now- but I know that something is different- It's like my body/mind/ heart/ n soul are lined up to clear out the unnecessary garabage in my life- the lies that I've been told/the untruths I've believed/ the deceptive vices which have warped my life

Perhaps, the spirit of the poem is taking over- I'm not exactly sure- all I know is that/
For the past 3 months, this change has occurred gradually, not really making big movements or strides but subtle "reminders", subtle thoughts/ feelings/ emotions- which are now pounding through my body begging for freedom/ demanding release/ demanding me to listen/ moving into new territory/ territory which is causing me to be bombarded with thoughts/ feelings/ urges/ desires that I've been too afraid to confront

However, latelt, it seems as if I'm no longer capable of escaping my self- I attempt to stay busy but then anothe memory takes over/ a look from someone's face reminds me of the time when--
a simply look in a stangers eyes scares me because they see everything I don't want them to and the secrets that I've been hiding for so many years- secrets which haunt me/ haunt my extistance because without these exeriences I wouldnt be alive today- my expereience have shaped who I am- wither good or bad/ they have taught me how to survive in a world which has no place for me/ a world that is not safe/ that has no time/place/or space for a black man who loves another man/ it is this world i live in/ but don't want to look at/ i dont want to have to look at the pain/ the ugliness/ but i know i have to-
i have to start looking at myself/ spending time with myself/ healing myself from the brutal wars which have been my life-

the shear fact that I must comes to terms with the loneliness that I must endure to become who I'm supposed to be-