Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Accepting the Burden of Proof (draft)

For most of my life I've been told two words/phrases, which I've learned to detest- this two words have shaped my life in many ways-they speak the true nature of who i am and what i've been trying to hide but desperatelty push myself to confront or totally accept or reject- this two words/phrases are "your special"/ "your different"

I 1st heard this words early as a child in either Kidergarden(damn forgot how to spell it) or preschool- I remmber my preschool teacher Ms. Robinson press into my chest discipling me and telling me how I was different and shouldn't behave the way that I was- I still have painful memories of her nails prickin my chest- but looking back in retrospect she was simply teaching me the My pre-school teacher named her son after me

Having sex with strangers disempowers me, it allows me to ignore the truths and facts of my life- but still somewhere inside my conscius/ inside my inner thoughts/ motivations I enter into a state of actual conscius evolvution- always exiting the war at the right moment/ always waking up before the storm- always seeing things for what they are- gaining sight after choicing blindness-

The look the brotha was going for- I thought to myself what look were u going for- when obviously he served as a quiet reminder of who I am- I am a brotha who taking away his defenses- who is uncovering who he truly is and who has discovered that "looks' don't account for much- because u can't judge a book by its cover and the proof is in the product not the packaging- and here it is- most people are afraid of themselves- and when they meet me i serve as a quiet reminder of someone who has lost their footage but who struggles to regain equilbruim and balance over his life-

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