Last night, I recieved a voicemail from my lil sister about "how i didn't call them back"; how in the world am I supposed to call you back if you log on the internet and sit on there for half of the night?
At any rate, after finallly getting through, my mother anwsers the phone after like 11 rings, (I started to hang up but declined thinking something might be wrong). Well, she starts the conversation off with "Well I decided if anything happens, the kids will go to my( my brother) because your life is so busy and I feel like they need to be in a home with a man and a wife". I was fit to be tied! I wanted to run through the phone and kill her my damn self!
So, I sat there in my car, feeling like shyt, as the heat of anger came over me, but I reminded myself to breathe- and I said that's fine- it's your decision and I accept and respect it, (under my breathe- as silly as I think it is.) To which she wants to explain how my "lifestyle" is too busy to raise two children- so I say this all has to do with me being "gay" right? "Oh no, honey, it has nothing to do with that, but your single, etc..." So, I reply so "if I was in a relationship you'd feel comfortable?" And you already know what the answers were/was......
So, there I was dismantled by my burden of truth. By the fact that 8 years ago, I decided to tell my mother the truth about who and what I was; for some follish reason I thought we had overcome the incomfortableness of my lifestyle- this conversation proves that we have not! This conversations, actually reminds me of many things that haven't changed like me thinking that I NEED to take care of my mother- Well honestly, I DO NOT! She's a grown damn woman! So, I hereby cut the umblical cord and live my life for me and the hell with pleaseing her.
Furthermore, this conversation displays the growth the last eight years has induced- Had this conversation happened 5, 6, or 7 years ago I'd probably be cursing myself about how I should & need to be "straight". However, the "new" me knows better- I know that no matter what I accomplish in life, to many people, including my mother, it will never be good enough because the blemish that outshines all my accomplishments is my "gayness/lifestyle/sexuality".
It is this curse and blessing which fuels my self image and my drive in life- It's like this scene has replayed "over and over" again in my life- the difference is- now I CHOOSE TO DEAL with it differently- and self hatred isn't an option.
AND PEOPLE ASK WHY WE NEED GAY MARRIAGE