Conflicted Feelings

I just unpacked all of Hot's Shyt- I don't knwo what it is or why- but I do love him even though a part of me doesn't want to be with him and just wants him out of my life- I'm so conflicted- or bipolar- I'll probably be packing his shyt right back up- at any rate, i feel a lil guilty, I mean if he's going to leave why can't he leave in a peaceful way instead of "damn I had to beat that niggahs ass to get him out my apartment" I just don't get it- Am I that afraid of being alone, sleeping alone, wondering my life on my own that I allow myself to remain in this situation or is this just an example of what its going to take for me to really have enough- to be fed up enough to be done with the brotha-