Reunion or 4 Year Difference

This weekend I attended a Birthday party- the ironic thing about this birthday party was that it was the same birthday party I attened 4 years ago. Yep, the one that I initially met Lot at-

Life is so fucking funny man- funny because if it wasn't for laughter than all I would do is cry and this weekend I was there between the two- living between the past and present, what was and what is, and now living in a somewhat better place (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually)

However, I was able to look at the events from the outside- you know it's amazing when you can look at a situation somewhat detached and say to your self damn that's familiar or damn he still running that same as tired game- or damn why am I even concerned about what he's doing and who he's talking to anyway?

Well, the reunion happened- we saw each other, we spoke I gave them a quick (and I mean very quick hug) and then departed my body from theirs like it was nobodys business

- you know made sure I kept my distance-

So the funny thing was it was like all night our eyes would meet and there was some kind of communication going on- I don't really know what kind or anything like that, but it was very much like a familiarity that hopefully noone else sensed but us. But, you know me, I need to move on with my life, so I would simply look away and go get a drink or truthfully avoid his eyes because I know #1 he doesn't want me, #2 I didn't want to tell on myself (very few people know that we ever dated) #3 didn't want to start going back on autopilot with all the feelings, #4, embarrass myself by either giving into this half state that was already initiated from the first moment I saw him-

Ok, moving on.... so majority of the night was spent avoiding Lot's eyes and really just enjoying everyone around me (and not in a carnal sense- this was a birthday party not a sex party), I told that in honor of my boys birthday which was the same day as this party, I would have a forgiving spirit and forgive anyone who was there and not hold any grudges or whatever, start anew

- you know lately I've been working on just beeing "free"-

and I actually have had two experiences of that "freedom" in the last two weeks-

so anyway, all night there were different dudes trying to gain their conquest for the night and damn there was alot of messy shyt going on- I.e. this one dude tried to talk to me and shyt we were getting our flirt on until I found out he was a good freind of someone who I used to dick down on the regular about 8 months ago- and man it's amazing how small the world is and how worlds collide

- how u reunite with brothas you haven't seen in 3, 4, years or brothas u've just met who claim their on the "dl" but then there at a "g life" party and know more people than u know... haha...

so anyone, I ended up having too much to drink and a Kindstranger offered to share his bed with me- well, after much pursuaision I consented to sharing his bed, after making it clear that he and I would not be having intercourse

- after the deal was set-

we exchanged numbers and I began to say good bye to everyone so I could depart to my car and he to his- I try to be discreet as possible with my shyt- so, before departing I found the birthday boy, gave him a big ass hug for inviting me to his birthday party this year and also the one 4 years ago and how I really appreciated his "associationship"-

Being the freindly ass person, I've learned to be, I had to go around the room and say goodbye to my other associaties and ironically on the way out observed Lot exchanging numbers with this dude who came to the party with another buddy of mine Suburb, (Suburb and I went on a few dates about a year ago and I ate his booty, but we never fucked)- So, anyway, thought it was funny that dude was knowing exchanging #'s with Playa playa (AKA Lot) after copblocking all night.

So, I didn't say shyt to either one of them. -I kept hitting the pavement-

Well long and behold, I finally reached the Kindstranger and followed him home to share his bed.
After finally getting to his crib, which he said was 10 minutes from the party, we undressed and hugged, played with dicks for a lil bit and then departed into lalala land cause my ass fell asleep.

Well, when I woke up in the morning with dude all underneath me. I got up to take a piss and was going to get dressed but dude was like yo where u going and nah I want you to stay for a lil while longer- and I was like dude I need to go home and walk my dog, but after a few more hugs my body pursuaded me to stay and watch movies, eat, and talk with Kind.

Well, you know me, I'm always running my mouth a lil too much and revealed a lil something about the situation between me and Lot, but not revealing who Lot was- but long and behold after talking and hugging and watching tv for like 4 more hours it really was time for me to depart and as I was on my way out, dude says to me, your situation reminds me of someone and I'm like really? He's like yeah- and I'm like ok, who? And he says well talk later, and I'm like nah, we can talk now- Who? and he says "they were at the party last night, right? and I'm like yeah and he says Lot, and I'm like whoa, and he says yeah were really good freinds.

-And I'm like ok, lets talk because now I know that I can't pursue anything with Kind because of his relationship with Lot. -

So, I re-enter Kind's crib and we sit down and talk and he said that he knew who I was talking about when I started talking about them and then also that he and Suburb are like best freinds and I'm like man you know we can't like date or anything now- and he's like yeah, I was looking forward to getting to know u, and then he says that he and Lot also dated and I'm like oh, hell nah- but yeah-

and so we talked and of course everything starts coming back and he looks at me and says you still have alot of emotions for dude, hun?
And I'm like yeah but it's gotten alot better- so I explain the situation to Kind, and he's like damn that's deep..and I'm like yeah, and I read to him my poem about the Lot sitution and he's like damn man, maybe u need to tell him how u feel or just animously send him a copy of the poem and I'm like man it wouldn't even make a difference. I'm just focused on me and how to not do what he did to me to anyone else thats why I wouldn't have sex with you last night- and he's like kewl.. you know for what it was it made me a better person, so maybe the expereine changed me for the better, I mean I don't know...

so anyway to make a long story short the reunion ended up being a collission of worlds and just proves how small and how intimate and messy the g life can really be...