Tuesday, July 19, 2005

In need of prayer

Update on "my therapist"
I haven't talked to "my therapist" since I told him I was attracted to him- interesting----- At any rate, $50.00 and one day of therapy has helped me to really uncover a few quick truths that I had been avoiding- dude said that I showed syptm. of having little or no self worth and low self esteem and contributed my sense of feeling lost and alone to the fact that I don't believe in anything or anyone-also said i need to think about how my sexuality plays a part in my self esteem/ self worth/ disbelief in anything and lonely feelings- well-

Lately, I've really been thinking about dropping to my knees and praying- However I don't know what or who to pray to- if you didn't know for the past 8 or 9 years I've gone from Agnostism to atheistism and back- As a child I was exposed to religion, the holy ghost, jesus, jehovah, god & the prophets- however I have little or no faith that anything is before me or after me- I really don't know if a "god" exist and quite frankly if one does why it would care about me-

In reference to my self esteem and self worth i think both are impacted by my sexual orientation in the fact that I haven't found anyone romantically and might never find someone-

I'll finish this post later---

6 comments:

Tim said...

My brotha let me share something with you if I may...

A few years ago I had no faith at all. Didn't believe in God, didn't pray, wasn't in nobody's church and wasn't thinkin about going to nobody's church.

I went on a date with someone and they took me to my current church home (Trinity UCC). From that point on, HOW to pray and WHOM to pray to came rushing back to me.

It's just like riding a bike man. Once you learn, you never forget.

Chosen Brotha said...

Brotha I will definitely pray for you, sounds like you could use it. then again, we call could. You have me asking myself questions about my self worth/ self esteem/ motivations. Some days I feel like you do, thinking I'm worthless, then other days, which I am glad to see are more frequent, I feel like i'm a beast, and can do anything. Then there are most days, when I feel that i am here just going through the motions, not feeling much of anything. Baby boy, we all got things to work out and no one is as put together as they seem to be. It's all a FACADE!

That Dude Right There said...

A few years ago, I was in the same place that you were. Everybody was telling me to go to church and pray to God. I started to go, but didn't because I remembered something that my Mother said. She said, "Son, have your own relationship with God."

So, I sat on the floor and just started talking. And I talked and cried for about an hour. I wasn't sure if God really existed or not, but that talk really helped me. It restored my faith in a higher power. I swear it felt like my eyes cleared up and I could see life for what it really is.

My life and my outlook on it has totally changed since that talk with whoever was listening.

SmilingOnThaDL said...

You are in my prayers! I know it's hard, but you are not alone. Did you start reading the book? The book has shed a lot of positive light on me. I have many periods thoughout my day, every single day, that I'm worth nothing. But, I'm praying for strength and guidance, just like I pray for you.

PISTACHIO JOE said...

u should talk to yourself more often. talking to yourself is talking to God. reflect on the experiences in your past that has caused u great conflict. until u face those unresolved experiences in your past u will keep walking in the wilderness, lost. u have issues u haven't delt with that will keep coming up in your life through bad habits, decisions, and actions.

reflect and forgive, yourself and those that caused u harm

you are in my prayers

The LoveHater said...

all ill say is that i can relate...