Thursday, May 18, 2006

Transformations

I just got home from the gym (yeah baby work out day four) so I'm sitting here eating some tuna fish and oodles of noodles... one can of tune a half pack of Oodles and noodles.. can't believe i'm eatin these shyts cause thought after college i wouldn't eat not one more pack cause i survived of ten cent oodles in noodles n my bmore n philly days...

Ay any rate, today while working out I peeped some of the other guys bodies.. and i was like damn dude got nice pecs, nice arms there, damn look at all that ass.. and i started to peice together what i would look like once i keep and maintain my exercise schedule... i wish i could say one day i would look like this....--->





I could paste a hundred pictures up here of mens bodies who i would like to have (and in more ways than one...lol...) but the one thing i've learn throughout the last few days is that i can only compete with myself.. i cant compete with other guys and my body will fill and and develop the wat it's supposed to.. i just cant pick out a picture in a magazine and say in six months i'm going to look like this because my build is different from other peoples builds,, and i'm not 21 anymore either my skinny boy days are over...

So i guess...I don't know what i will look like... and futher more i dont know what or whom i'm becoming..it's seems as if everyday i'm experiencing all kinds of different emotions.. and memories and feelings.. things i haven't felt for so long...and last night it almost happened.. i almost cried myself to sleep as i breathed into my pelvis and allowed the sorrow of yesterday to release itself from my chest and i woke up this morning and i drowled all over my pillow... (yuck-- but i sleept good)... i know where i've been.. i know where i'm at (well at least sometimes) and i'm going somewhere with or without my mind.. cause after all i lost if a long time ago.... most days i feel hope, when i used to feel desperation... most days i feel overwhelmed but i still come out on top.. one thing for sure and that is i've always gotten through and i continue to face adversity and still suceed.. so ...i guess i'm doing ok... the only thing i worry about is if i'm doing what i'm supposed to be.. i'm hoping all this confrontation of the past isn't in vain and will help me to understand who i am (yep all 50 or more of me- yes, a brotha knows he's a lil psicsko... but knowing is half the battle) i only hope that i am transforming into the Man i'm supposed to be....but i guess only time will tell.....

4 comments:

Ladynay said...

You'll drive yourself crazy comparing yourself to other folks, you already mentioned it...you can only compete with you! After awhile in the gym you may actually prefer your body over Shawns *wink*

4GOTTEN1 said...

You are so right man you can only compete with yourself. I'm sure you will fill out just nice when it's all said and done. Keep up the good work....Oh and I know for a fact confronting your past will do you good later on. So keep doing it. ~Much love man~

E said...

"I could paste a hundred pictures up here of mens bodies who i would like to have (and in more ways than one...lol...)" Heh...I like that comment...and yeah, we can only compete with ourselves. I'm starting week 6 of my workout schedule. I have noticed some good differences but am not that happy where I am. I don't think we'll ever be satisfied with our bodies totally.

Andre L. said...

yeah i'm on that skinny boy/hard gainer work out plan right now. keep falling off. i actually appreciate this post a lot. also been digging keith boykin's fitness journal too. my whole take on it is even tho i'm not at my ideal weight. i'm happy where i'm at. thats the way it is. its just like how i feel about my work in theatre. i enjoy everything (well almost everything) from writing the play, to rehearsals, to the final product. so yeah enjoy eating that tuna baby! lol.