Sunday, January 02, 2005

A tall order

A few years ago, I created a personal ad, which resulted in no approriate responses. Don't get me wrong, alot of people replied but of course they must have peeped the pic and hit reply instead of reading the entire ad. At any rate, in terms of what I was looking for at the time, much hasn't changed. I find myself still looking for that story book romance, you know the kind you read in magazines, witness in elderly couples, who still hold hands when they go to the movies.

Well, as I click away on the internet, or walk down the street, or even enter a bar, supermarket, or club, I find myself wishing and hoping to find that one true person who can love me. When I speak of love, I don't mean a conveint love, or a love that is here today and gone tomorrow! I'm speaking of an neverending love, one that is permanent not temporary! A love similiar to the love I experienced the first time I fell in love with a man.

Although, the relationship didn't last, I held on to that love; however not realizing that as long as I held on to it, that I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to fully love someone again. All this changed my first year in grad school, when I met and allowed myself to love Lot. It wasn't the same love I had when I was 19, but it was a love that I hadn't allowed myself to feel in over 5 years. Lot and I dated for a while and ultimately the "relationship" came to an end. I suddenly found myself broken heart and feeling abadoned.

A few weeks went by and I met Hot who also had recently gotten out of a relationship. Well two broken hearted fools embarked on a dating situation which involved, loving, losing, lying, and hurting the hell out of each other. Well, a week or so ago, this situation finally ended. I found myself awake from this nightmare and realized that I wasn't happy. (This wasn't anything new to more or this person because I expressed this fact several times in the past.)

At any rate, suddenly I decided that I had to make a change or I would always get what I always got from Hot, which wasn't what I wanted or needed. What I want and need is very complex. However I know what I need and want. I need ROMANCE. I need someone who sees me, who hears me, who listens to me, who will hold me in my darkest hour, who will love me even when I feel ugly, to this person I am everything! The sun, the moon, the stars. I am their everything.

To some this may be asking for alot or as by boy Saboy says "that's a tall order". However, all my orders are tall! I know for some my orders wither tall or small will never be filled but for that one person out there who I'm meant to be with.... I'm waiting anoxiously for your arrival into my world- In short, I'm still waiting for my fairytale ending.. tall order or not....

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