Cant/wont/allow myself to move

i haven't posted n a minute, cause i aint had much to say

then suddenly i awoke n my feelings- my next few blogs will be poems that i created while i was n this place..

can't/wont/allow/ myself to move

I see u but I cant
I Refuse/ to step an inch n ur direction
Cause i can only
Imagine/envision
Our bodies interwined
N the love I feel
This feeling I feel
Is overwhelming
U make me sweat
Like apples n heat
Like blistering skin on a hot day
My mouth becomes dry when I try to utter a word in ur direction
I’m paralyzed
I cant move
And any thought of loving u makes me swell
And I can’t
I refuse
To move
In ur direction
To even let u know that I’m the tiniest bit
Interested
Becuz
N the end
I’m the one going to be left alone
N hurt
Becuz
U can’t love me
Becuz
I aint no body boy
I aint thugged out
Aint got the biggest dick
The best azz
Wont suck ur dick
Let u objectify me
Stomp on my heart n walk away…
becuz I’m actual quite sensistive n educated
And for whatever reason
I’m not what u find attractive
So I squint
In the darkness of the realms
Just to be in ur presence
To think/hope/dream/wish
That one day u might love/make me safe/ take me in ur arms
And make this ugly man something u consider beautiful
Becuz I’m overwhelmed by u
Ur voice/Ur smile/Ur skin/Ur hair/Ur walk… talk …laugh.. ur flava
Damn niggah u make me sweat
And my palms are sweaty & nasty
I cant even approach u
Becuz u put butterflies
N my stomach
Ur presence makes me feel like I’m going to url
Becuz I know u cant love someone like me
I keep telling myself
U can’t luv me/U cant luv me/ he can’t/doesn’t/won’t/ want meant/isn’t capable of loving me
And I squint to stop from staring/from letting u know
That I know/ that n my heart
The beats r African
Drums/Harps/flutes/clarinets/violins play
as I close my eyes
visions of u holding me/me holding u
And the look in ur eyes
Tells me
someone/that u won't
decide to step up/step out
And open ur heart
To someone
Who wasn’t what u thought u wanted/or who u thought
You were going to be with
But
Then
And
While
I was in the corner of my own solitude
Admiring u
U felt something
For that shadow n the corner of the darkness
Maybe it was pity/empathy/hate/love/fear/denial
Or a mixture of all
But u walked over
Looked into my eyes
Felt the heat from my body
The pulsing of my heart
The tremering of these nerves
The shaking of my bones
Took me in ur arms
N made me new