This morning, I did my usual, blog reading and my girl Ms. Luvinme, made me cry this morning.. this morning, she reminded me of so much... this morning I have no regrets...
Over the weekend, I met a man, this man and I have something in common, we both dated and loved another man, but of course at different times. This other man is Lot. Yep, the dude that fucked me and left me, and never gave two shits about me. To this day, it hurts when I think about it. This other brotha told me about how after he left Lot alone, he's stomach would hurt ever time he saw him, heard from him, etc. The brotha and I talked, it seemed like forever.. it amazed me how two people could have some what a similiar expereince and how it has taken me years to get over someone who I only "dated" for less than six months. The scars still remain deep... however the healing has begun...
have u ever loved someone so much that it literally caused u physical pains... involuntary reactions to the person? have i? of course, sometimes i feel like such a fool.. but i know understand that i'm just a man. just a man, in every way.. i am human.. and i am affected just about by everything and everyone.. some folks would say that i'm "arrogant" or "conceited" and in their opinions there obviosuly is some truth.. but deep inside i am well fragile, vunerable, and i don't understand why someone would take advantage of someone like that.. why would someone harm someone "just because"? well i don't know... one might say one's childhood, or that someone hurt them so in return they hurt everyone they come into contact with.. pretty much the domino affect.... crashing down.. cascading out of order... right now i am so full.. so full of life, of guilt, of hurt, and paid and sorrow, but also of happiness that these silent reminders are presented to me to help me evolve.. to learn.. to grow.. to mature... to determine what i want to be and don't want to be.. and what i'm willing to accept and what i'm not... one part of me, wants to lash out.. i'm so fucking angry because i'm hurt... because the muthafuckka intentionally hurt me... and i want to cut him... to make him pay for what he continues to do, not only to me, but to other men and women.... he takes us all through if, and leaves u emptier than when u arrived.. and in the end... he did it because i let him.. why couldn't i be stronger.. why didn't i see his bullshyt coming.. before it came.. i mean i'm a smart guy.... but i guess i played the fool... and i will no longer do that... thats one role i will leave for another act to re-enact.... i feel like.. i've done all i can do, and nothing that i have or could do would ever be enough.. so its time, far beyond time,, for me to say fuck off, eat shyt, and die.... get the fuck out my face, head, and heart... u crazy son of a bitch....LMAO..... I know I'm ranting.... but hey it's flowing like that,..it's time to hug n protect and love Emotional.
"Emotional it's aiight, it's aiight man, it's ok".......
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6 comments:
Sorry EB, the last part was funny. Love the lesson your learned from lost and with some more time that frustration will subside and you will be about to look at Lot and pity him.
"have you ever love somebody so much it makes you cry?/ have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night?/ have you ever tried to find the words but they won't come out right? have you ever?"
- Brandy's "Have You Ever"
yeah it's rough, and yeah, we've all had our fair share of heartache over some undeserving man. but it's good to see that you've found the healthiest way to deal with it: acknowledging the value of the experience. indeed these reminders are intended to help you evolve.
enjoy the journey.
I've been in a situation where I was so hurt by a man that my soul hurt. Everytime I cry it cam from deep down inside of me. I was so hurt it made my whole body convulse with every tear that fell from my eye. I was so hurt I wished for death just so the pain could go away. So I know what it was like for you to give ur self to someone just so they can take it for granted. So to answer ur question yea I know what it like to get hurt.
I like ur post I think I am a fan
Ladynay, yeah i snapped the fuck out... just got done laughing at myself.. damn i'm crazy, but sometimes people make u like that...
Larry, man thats my song.. and Brandy also says almost doesn't count.. i always try to remind myself of that..
Ladyj, thanks for stopping by.. the pain is real... believe me.. and i feel like just get over it, but this pain is reality... n its had become anger, rage.. thats what i feel now straight up rage!
when you're hurt badly, it sometimes makes you trip out. then you pull it together! :)
i can totally relate to your pain. i think the thing that gets me is how i'll think i'm over it and then something insignificant happens that makes the pain come back, as fresh as the day the offense occured. but, the best thing about it is when you figure out the lessons you're to have learned from it all.
I feel your pain on this. It is okay, and in time you will heal. Sharing this helps you and others who are going or may have gone thru this to heal. I am sending you a cyber hug...
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