Monday, September 05, 2005


Life is sometimes a crazy and mysterious thing,
last night, as I slept within a drunken stooper-
In deep sleep I dreamed.
terrorized by secrets and fears which held me to corners of the walls
shattered by the images that overwhelm the goodness inside of me- as I constantly search out the bad and restore it with good- as I remain attached/ embroiled by my innonence and perserving some of it- so perhaps it can't all be tainted- all misused, maybe there will be some for my husband to lay his dreams upon as we lay into the night holding each other so tight that noone can harm us.........................
all the while i shake and trimmer from
Fragments of my youth--- of my innocence
i constantly turn, roll, whimper in my sleep for the lil boy inside me who the man is still chasing around, only now he has the resources to escape- only now does he know he has a bigger brother/father/guardian angel/ spiritual self to help guide him through the dark streets, overcrowded hallways, big bright lights, guns, violence, restless nights and I wake up with the sweating on his behalf, but now we always fight back we always escape- However,
Before the nights laying with men but still being in empty arms...
he never fought back, he would cry and wish that someone would come and help him, save him, for his misery only to find noone ever did- he grew and shielded himself with a new shell, a new self that protected the essence of his core, the innocence/ the longing to be carressed, and sheltered, and loved, inside deeply tucked away so noone could tarnish it--
Last night I had a dream, a dream of being chased, of being tortured of someone putting my family in harm- in for once, I didn't allow the fear to paralyze me, I didn't allow the fear to chase me away, I didn't allow the fear to numb, me I faced the fear...... I know longer allow the fear of my dreams to......... It mat sucuub to my body and make me shake and swirm, it may make me whimper or scream, or mumble in my sleep but I now live with fear but fight it back.

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