Over a glass of scotch

Tonight, I find myself like many other nights that I've spent... alone... drinking a glass of scotch- sitting back feeling a lil self pity, but at the same time realizing how blessed i am and how much i still have yet to learn--- this past weekend i got some culture in my life-- and i also realized just how lonely i truly am--- how alone i feel and asking my self why i don't have anyone in my life-- and the voices began to whisper thoughts into my head and than i caught myself saying i deserve love no matter what.. no matter of the nightmares and my knees in the sand, the bruises and the underwear that i peaked underneath the door only to have them reveal that the big I had infected my reality and my pyschology and that i've felt used, and abused and not worthy of love.. and thats really one of the reason that i din't believe in god-- because i felt like god abadoned me-- but now i realize that something has and will always be there for me- in the moments when my soul acts for the most comfort, wither it be sitting in a dark room allowing my fingers to write out or at least attempt to release this pain....