Wednesday, March 19, 2008

misc truths.....

The truth is...

as mush as i want to be with someone right now-- i need to be the man i want to be with
i finally sleep well at night
i miss my best friend-- she went to live with god 5 years ago two weeks ago
i love my fam
i love my freinds
i'm sad
i feel like i'm getting depressed
might be time to go back to the pysch
my job keeps me busy
i'm smart n yet dumb
i'm afraid
i need to go to church
i know some sorta connection- although i just feel like distancing myself from everything
there sthings about myself that i don't like
i'm hard on myself-- sometimes too much
i'm getting older and now i understand so much more n yet not enough
i really didn't like Cat on a hot tin roof
i want to be in love
i want to be a father
i've choosen to forgive my father
i loves my moms
and i've forgiven her for not loving me about when i was little
sometimes i still feel little although i weigh 216 pounds
my pouch makes me sick, yet i still think it's sexy
thick is in & i loves to eat
i used a condom last night
i love me
i feel pity for Left because i understand where he is at & i just feel sad that he cant love himself
my anger has turned to sadness
i'm proud of myself
i'm sleepy
its been so long since i've kissed his lips n i yearn for the taste of his saliva
i need to work on my self esteem
i often downplay or think that attractive men won't find me atttractive or i have nothing to offer
i sometimes think i'm boring
i'm a success n yet a failure
i try too hard
i need to relax
i think too much
i'm loved
i have so much growing to do
i miss who i used to be
but looking forward to the man i've become
i love him
i used to not love myself
my limbs are awkward
my hands n feet are out of sync with my body
my limbs keep me on top of the ground
my feet need to spawn out n relax--get wet in the water
i'm afraid to get hurt yet i know its inevitable
i cried the last time i held Left---
i can no longer love Left because he doesn't love himself
i love me more than any man i've ever met
i just lied
i still believe n romance n monogomy n love at 1st sight
i want to look into my mates eyes n see honesty--
my leg still hurts from when i got shot
my left foot barely touches the ground
my hips are awkward
my core is pretzeled
i'm untangling myself from the ropes which were my torment
the cords which were supposed to whisk my life away
yet i still breath
i'm happy that i'm still alive
i have hope
i believe in something better
in someone better-- maybe it's god but i refer to it as the universe
i have many angels watching over me
i'm bored
i urn for adventure
i love too hard
i dont trust easily
i have difficulty trusting myself & others
i've been hurt
i'm not good at what i would love to do
it's difficult for me to be truthful & truth is what i strive for

1 comment:

Eb the Celeb said...

Cat on a hot tin roof did move kind of slow but I still liked it... moreso because it wasnt like normal broadway plays... its simplicity intrigued me. There wasnt a whole bunch of music or scene changes and all that...