Papa Don't Preach

Yesterday, I finally came out to my father. The rest of my close family personally already knew because I told them eleven (11) years ago. But because my father and I never had a relationship he was the only one I hadn't personally told that I wasn't hetersexual.

The conversation went pretty well, partly based on the fact that someone from back home had ran my business thru the street and partly because I am finally at the point in my life where I am comfortable with the decisions I've made and at peace (for the most part) with the fact that my sexual oreintation was choosen years ago- even before I started pulling up little girls dresses and pinching little boys on the behind.

My father's response was one that I hadn't expected... it was true acceptance... he said that...
I'm grown and the decesions I make are mine
that he loves me no matter what
that Jesus loves me
that he's proud of the man that I've become
to not allow people to beat up on me or to beat up on myself because of my sexual orientation
that he always brags about the fact that i put myself through college
that he was always harder on me because i was he's son and that no matter what he loves me...

my father gave me a blessing that i've in some way urned for since childhood..... love...... now, if i can erase the fabrication that my parents don't love me.. maybe... just maybe i can love and accept love in return from my one and only....

if no one told you today...... somebody loves you.... and although my dad's now a pastor he sure didn't preach... and I thank god for that

Dreams, Illusions, & Metamorphosis

I just awoke from a dream of angels, and demons, and hustlers, and old family members and the rembrance of my father- In this dream, I revealed after a few days with my father's "family" my attraction for men and I explained why I choose not to have a relationship with them- because it's more important for me to love and honor me than to hide to accomondate people who don't care about my well being. In the dream, the last thing I remember is my father running down the street naked hollering and screaming about how could I sleep with men.... As I yelled back I'm thirty (30) years old, I can sleep with whomever I choose. My father went in a rage, ran down the street like a bull, with an erect penis and sometype of stone hanging from his phallus as if my "shame" were weighing down his own manhood..... As he continued running and galloping around, moaning about my indiscretion... I realized that I love me even the broken bones of who I am.. the muscle, the fat, the little moles across my back... and I'm not willing to give that up for anyone..... right before i awoke.. i was getting in my car, mind you a car I'd never seen before and a man tried to prevent me from entering.... i don't know where this man came from or if he was a demon, illusion, or metamorphis.... i asked him to please move out of my path.... i than simply moved his hand, entered the car and sat. As I looked at him, sitting safely within---- I begin to wonder perhaps I'd just moving my own demon out the way--